this is a no mixed meaning post. i am just going to tell it like it is.
today during sixth hour, another headache graced my stupid brain. it was on the top of my head. it felt like a pencil. i didn't talk to my ex-boyfriend. not because i don't like him, but because i didn't feel like arguing, and pretending that i could be fun. after class, i bent down to get my boots out of my locker and realized that i don't know the inside of 525 very well. part of me wanted to stay in there. not because of the rusty blue metal... but because no one would look for me there.
last night there were all these things i wanted to tell people. like the lights were awesome! or, remember that one time at the dance when everyone was dancing our move? that one's for you kat. but i forgot, because sometimes my mind is like a balloon and it just floats away and i can't get it back.
and then i say stuff. and people probably think i'm stupid. and i don't really care what they think... because they probably don't really like me anyways. and that's fine. and i'm done starting my sentences with and.
one time i was petting this cat while babysitting, and i kept shocking it accidentally.. something to do with the carpet. but it didn't run away... it stayed, because it's purring made up for the dozens of electric shocks. i think this says something about life.
sometimes i do little things that maybe don't mean a lot to someone watching me from far away, but the person that i'm with gets hurt.
hey you. the one that i get along with... but something will always be off. sorry i tune out when i talk to you. i want to say it's not personal... but lets not pretend. remember? i'm being honest right now.
the title of my blog is sing through silence.
1. because i love singing. duh.
2. i love silence. sometimes, it's my favorite sound.
3. like big spaces and high ceilings, i like to fill silence. often with singing.
i like lists
mini things
perfect curls
warm drinks
cuddling in bed... by myself. sorry...?
ingrid michaelson
dang. i would talk about that one thing, except i can't really be honest. never mind.
usually when i resort to that i should stop. or keep going. dang it! i'm being elusive.
time to stop.
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it's hard to be completely honest. there are always things best left repressed or forgotten or ignored or even lied about. it's impossible to be completely honest. and when you say you are being honest, does that negate all of the other things you say? sometimes we can't tell the truth because we don't know it. we only know what we can see and touch and hear. but barely even that.
ReplyDeleteby honesty, i mean i am not eluding to anything, or disguising what really happened with other words. because sometimes i want to write about something but not everyone should really know what's going on... ya know?
ReplyDeletei think there are some truths we know instinctively though... despite touching or feeling.
right. i understand. but it's hard. you can't commit everything to words. because 1. you don't understand it yourself 2. some things are best left unsaid. we are all constantly filtering. it's the best way.
ReplyDeleteThat's legit. I am sorry for your headaches. :(
ReplyDeletethe dance!!!! yes that made me so happy. :)
ReplyDeleteyou don't even know how many times a day I want to move into my locker. SO many times. I open it, it smells like rotted angst, and I want to crawl inside the rusty blue and morph into the wall.
i guess now you know where to find me should I go missing.