blanket.

oh mystery,
oh satisfaction
you are nowhere
nowhere to be seen or heard
all chairs make me writhe
both sound and silence cause my fingers to crawl
and dont you dare tell me, or even suggest what i should do
or i will cut you out, just like the others
segmenting my life is no longer a problem
my woven secrets become my blanket at night
they hold me when no one else will

snip.

they say the only way to lose these bracelets is to cut them off.
so carefully we braided them with beads around our wrists,
laughing at the marks they left on our skin.
in a few showers, they began to thread away.
if they were drinking glasses, they would be chipped--useless.
in fear of seeing my pale wrist exposed,
and the scars underneath unearthed,
i tried to keep these tokens of times better forgotten together.
but really, i should let them fall,
sliding off my wrist like unwanted clothes [so often in the dark].
gravity pulls them close to her chest,
beckoning these trivial pieces fall, damn you.
and i fought.
beyond my better judgement.


i left my goddamn house, smoked a few, gave several peoples calls,
only to realize that they were not the problem.
i am the problem.
because i dont make you happy anymore.
i dont clean my room.
i dont brush my hair.
i dont do my homework.


without a sound,
i will slip away.
no more bracelets will be chained to my wrists.

claws.

there is something beautiful in it

like the edge of a razor, so clean, it shines

that danger

in eyes so dark, there is light

in secrets so big, there is truth

if only we could speak of the things so carelessly spoken

tense

pressure

release

"if only you could see yourself the way i see you"

unseen

red light made my teeth bite, and your mind race, and our breath smoke

not to be trusted

but you're everything i've wanted

so i balance between their good words

in a rut so dark, there is light

clawing at the sides of a shredded hole

gasping for air

until i sink, and let go of everything that has meant anything to me

you don't know me

you don't know anything at all

flowerland.

years ago,

i had it

my mediocre mind encased it

for a few hours, i understood

it seemed manageable

but my body has changed

and now i see an unmountable problem,

surpassing pain

but not enough to shake it off, tonight

sentences can’t hold it

fleeting, like liquid birds sliding off the page

flying into a dark that my eyes cannot make

for a few hours, pity was all mine

and i cradled it like my own child, unborn

now, the deafening connection has been made

and it traps my mind

it breaks my heart

and it is only me

all alone

and i am entirely confident that no one can understand

not even the one who speaks these haunting words, filled with broken bones and flowing blood

to an outlet that is my tears

when i can’t deal