for all we know, we are bad people lost in a sea of good, and everything is backwards, and the whole world might blow up in any second, and all i wanted yesterday was to fly fly fly away or just blink my eyes to reveal a clear new world. to be better. to wish my headache away. to lose myself in him, and not constantly question and wonder what life has in store for me. to let the unpredictable come predictable, and perhaps tell some stories with not funny, but happy endings to my children. if they are out there.
life was a blur, and i sit here, knowing that in a dusty old warehouse they think that i have jumped ship.
why did that make me mad so fast? because i dont want to use that wallet, or maybe because acting pretty isnt priority number one, or that i act ugly when i am out of things to do or say. because i can sense pretty, and it pierces me with ribs sticking out into my personal space bubble and sense of pride in being genuine and believable. experience is valuable, girls. so put down your damn hair straighteners and look at the world. it all came down to what i do is nothing. i never wanted to be friends, but you were too busy looking in a mirror to see me at least trying.
the world is starting, and you havent even begun to grow up or walk around the corner of your street.
so meticulously, they comb every strand, ensuring its fate against their tense shoulders.
since it seems to be the trend, i will write something too.
but before i begin, i would just like to say i threw my hat and it definitely did a dive-bomb and nailed someone in the head. unfortunately, i do not remember who.
i suppose it began when my room felt too small, and my hat looked funny on my head. it was a night with too much closure thrown at me at one time, with too many goodbyes, but not a single tear to "mark" them. the ceremony meant nothing, really... except when i threw my hat and it landed exactly where i expected it to. not in a bitter way, just in a i would not have it any other way... way. i ended up driving that night, no car crash, thank god. too many close calls in my life lately for that kind of curve ball. now that pretty little dress smells like cigars and excitement, but i threw it on the floor.
and i realize that this has become a narrative of some sorts. which means i have no idea what i am talking about.
because beyond the size of this world and the farad, goodbye has been something that i cannot understand.
I am broken like everyone else on this earth. Understanding is my gift, and I have a passion for singing. Blank scrabble pieces are my worst nightmare, and writing music is my dream. I love to dance, but not synchronized steps. Over thinking things is a skill of mine, and I wish I read more. My head stays firmly planted on my shoulders, and over the years I have come to admire loyalty, faith, and courage. One day I hope to master one of these, or at least attempt to recreate all three.