Saturday, February 28, 2009

roast me up some energy por favor!

Nothing like waking up at 7:00 in the morning (when I could have woken up and hour later), walking outside in the freezing cold to play a piano piece that is way below your skill level, and all the while thinking "Why did I stay up until 4:00 in the morning again?"
That reminds me when moon and myself took the psat on maybe three hours of sleep.
Holy mother.
I need some coffee.

Monday, February 23, 2009


And I wait. But not for the last time. Sitting. Sitting. Frowning. More sitting. Anger. Happiness. Frustration. Jealousy. Repeat.
All the things going through my head and the feeling like I keep getting punched in the stomach is not something I want to explain. Which I can. But I won't.
It took me two hours to fall asleep. Then I woke up again with a start at a dream that I see all to vividly in my mind. Because stuff like that has happened in my life. And it's not fair.
What kind of world is this if it's a blessing that people can walk after a surgery?
What kind of world is this if people are thankful that they don't freeze as they sleep on the streets?
What kind of world is this if people who prance around stabbing people in the back can just keep on prancing?
Nothing makes sense.

There's this thing called passion... and I have a little too much of it in my life right now. It drives my thoughts to their very limits where I can barely keep my voice from escaping my throat. Because that is how I express myself.
My voice.
Either low and shaky, or high and sweet.
A voice not my own, but one I recognize all too clearly.
And I will never be done expressing, but at the same time I've lost my caring.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

i dread those three days.

We are crawling masterpieces falling downstairs.
Why did you let us go?
We used to be rain, light, song, and cloud.
But now we are this... people who hate.
Who cry.
People who want something more than this life.
All we want is to run up the stairs back to you,
But we can't climb the first step leading up,
Because we are a fallen, broken people.
Fallen and dirty.
Pick us up.
Help us up the first stair,
The one that brings us closer to You.

Friday, February 20, 2009

it fills my heart.

Looking around, and singing loud, my heart stops short a beat.
I realize the words coming out of my mouth are not a random feat.
I run upstairs and write them down,
Pounding on my piano to remember the sound.
I remember the thoughts, the feelings, the words,
and I play them on my dusty keyboard.
And now when I sing I remember the time
When my life stopped short and created rhyme.

Monday, February 16, 2009

to my lighthouses.

To whom it may concern:
I'm sorry. This is a public apology for me being selfish, for me only thinking about myself. It hasn't just been you either. It's everyone... everyone is paying for my actions that are motivated by only one thing: me.
And I'm sorry. I'm trying to make it better, to make things right when I say I can't, or I won't, or yeah, I'll call you tonight... when I never do.
So I'm sorry. To you, and to others that I just walk right past without thinking about. Because it's not about me.
This isn't a fun thing to admit, but I can keep on lying to myself and become someone I hate, or hate what I do and change what I'm becoming.
Thank you for forgiving, and thank you for putting up with a nut like me : )
All of you (you know who you are) are a great group of friends and I treasure you most dearly, and don't forget it. Thanks for looking past the lies that people may have told you, and still seeing me for what I really am.
Thank you.
And I mean it.
Love, Christine.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

just gotta.

It's like running through a soul line with everyone screaming at you to do one thing, but then at some point, you just gotta throw your head back, laugh, and bust your own move.

Cause chances are you can't do the worm anyways.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

and now he sings songs I don't know.

He's one of those people that gets everything. Every joke he makes, someone laughs. Every whimper that slips out of his mouth, someone is there with their arms open, waiting for a hug. Every college prays that he will enroll in their institution, just so they can sport his awards and achievements in their all-too polished trophy cases. And I met him, once. Over spring break. A chance in a lifetime, if my sarcasm can capture that thought well enough. Somehow, our life lines were entwined for a few days, and it weaved itself into my every thought and heartbeat. Strangled, if you will.
Until he decided to let go. He threw my heart off to the side of his highway life, and just left me there. I was young. I still am. But he had me going, chasing him like a cat chases a toy, never ceasing until it goes away. He's still chugging along, sprinting down that road, looking for his next opportunity... his next fling. Maybe someone like me. Maybe some one more daring, or more entertaining on the phone. Who knows? Who will be able to capture this shooting star, flying fast and out of reach? I certainly don't, but I do know that my stomach turns a little every time I look back on that once in a lifetime chance in Jackson, Mississippi.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

chug chug chugging along.

Okay, so obviously my last post was not the greatest... but I really don't have much to say right now. I'm just kind of chug chug chugging along. Just living. Should I want more? Should we ever be so content with what we have? I guess a boy would be nice... but I feel like I should be wanting more. Not more objects, but more depth. I shouldn't be happy with myself. Because I'm never loving enough, I never work hard enough, I never care enough. But thats not a way to live your life either. BAH! This life thing. It's crazy, no?

Monday, February 9, 2009

just call me audrey!

Yes! I am so excited. Multiple here I come!!!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

a minute's peace and quiet.

I love everything I do. Acting, singing, piano, voice, hanging out with friends, school I really don't mind, homework makes me feel accomplished... but I always feel like I'm missing out. Mostly from my family (my poor parents always have to drive me places when I'm usually in a bad mood) because I'm never at home. I miss them... and I feel like they miss me. And certain friends I don't get to see because of one act. Boo. And its nothing personal. I don't hate my family. I don't have my other friends. Its just that 24 hours in a day just isn't enough sometimes. So even when you feel like you have everything you'll always be missing something. Boo. CAN'T I MAKE A FRIGGIN CAKE AND EAT IT TOO??? Gr. Oh well. Life is great,

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

i am so HAPPY!

The title was just the theme of my day. I say I'm happy, so I am happy. And it worked! All day, I was (am) in a great mood. Bad stuff happens, and I just let it bounce right off of me. No big deal. Everything is great. Just super peachy-licious. YAY FOR HAPPY DAYS!