swiss cheese life??

It feels like there's something missing. Some things just don't get my heart rate up anymore... and my life is not dull. It is not bad. There is simply a hole somewhere... and I just can't find something to fill it.
It also hit me the other day in between fits of sleep that this is the last. There will be no musical next year. There is only this year and then I am an adult. Right now I am sixteen. How is this happening? Next year I am on my own. Living the life I've dreamed about for who knows how long. But this is what I miss, and what I can't stand.
Maybe life starting will fill the hole. Or maybe it will disappear.

pm freeeeekin s.

i am eating peanut butter m& m's because my hormones tell me to.

meet Confidence, my fickle friend.

Confidence... is a funny thing. it comes and goes as it pleases... knocking on your door when you happen to be somebody and leaving the second you gain a pound. you round the corner after a well deserved break only to find a mirror kindly reporting your bad hair day. liars say confidence isn't like this... but maybe they are the ones who's confidence never pays a visit to tell them they're beautiful, or that they don't need that to be perfect, or that they don't need to be perfect at all. confidence occasionally lifts my chin with a firm hand and meets me with it's sunny eyes. and sometimes i can greet them back. but sometimes sunny eyes just aren't enough.. or my eyes can only see the shadows the light casts across my face. but for now, i am fine. i wouldn't say i have issues, but as i said, confidence is a fickle friend. great when it's there, don't get me wrong. but sometimes my shadow is too long.

word chain.

deliverance.
strength.
macho man.
sweaty.
gym.
not fit.
work out.
when is this done?
done.
rest.
deliverance.

apaloosa.

today during fifth hour i made a fool of myself. and not for a second did i feel judged. that is friendship : )

O 10

here it goes, here it goes again.

for the

last

time.

: (

but i am okay

for the moment being

until i realize

that we are leaving.

the chips are falling where they may.

the chips are falling where they may and they are falling in the right places.

senior pictures: check.
license: check.
SLAP reductions: almost check.
books: almost check.

yay chips! i imagine them as barbecue flavored... because they are delicious.