the clock that went backwards? it drowned.

Yesterday night i watched the curious case of benjamin button, and it forced me to think about one of my least favorite subjects--time.
I suppose a more optimistic view of time would be years on earth--allotted to us by God--to learn, experience, and grow.
But whenever I really think about time (not life), I always think about goodbyes.
Goodbye to things like running around naked and eating play dough.
A backpack filled with only a few papers and lisa frank pencils.
Innocent childhood love.
Goodbye to puberty and cooties.
Goodbye to first kisses, first dates.
First loves. Real love.
But I suppose the most heartbreaking of all--goodbye to those that we fell in love with.
Once when I was a kid, as I was falling asleep, it finally struck me that one day, my parents would not be with me. They wouldn't be around the corner, in the other room. Not even on another street, or in a different country. Just... not here.
I ran downstairs, crying to my mom.
And she started to laugh.
She looked at me endearingly, and with a sad sort of twinkle in her eye she said that "one day, you won't need me and dad anymore."
This did not really solve any of my qualms about the subject, but mom sent me off to bed anyways because it was time to sleep.

But I need her now. I cannot imagine living without her, now. So, at this present moment in time, I need my mom. I need my dad. I need my sister. I need my brother. And I need time to sort through the things that need thinking with the time allotted to me by God.

Repression.

The clock has not frozen, but I concentrate on the hands where they are... not where they will be in an hour.


"The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out alive."
--Robert Heinlein