watercolors.

whenever I feel above of all the shallow chatter and gossip that surrounds the teenage life, I am usually pms-y. this disturbs me. a lot. it's always when estrogen is dominating my every thought and movement that i draw away from a crowd, craving a book like "blue like jazz" or to talk about my dad. because i want there to be more than looking at pictures in a year book, and more than griping about not having a boyfriend. but the rest of the month... i am okay with shallow. i am okay with seeing through people... and i like to think that people can see through me. but they don't, and i can't see through anyone else... so why in the world do we act like people can see through us like a glass of water? why do we gossip? why do we shop every weekend? why do we spend so much time on myspace looking up sweeto bands to seem cooler to our "friends"? this does not in any way mean be mysterious and wear black and never talk about what you did over the weekend or boys or whatever... because that's life too. but how can we call oursevles individuals in Christ if all we ever do is partake in meaningless chatter that will never fill us? and why do i only realize these things now? its not that i don't care about being shallow the rest of the month... its just that i don't realize it until i take a step back from the crowd and look at the big picture. and i see watercolors. thin, pale tones that can cover the other with a single stroke. because they only last so long, and they only cover so much. and it's emberassing. so i challenge myself and the rest of you who read this to step up and be bold colors that fill a canvas and make up the beautiful picture that is God's creation. to fill ourselves with things that matter... so we can fill others around us.