fix it. how? don't care. just fix it.

Okay. here it is. my last emotional outlet before i begin the week.

so seriously? you think that that doesn't hurt. that its all about whats funny at the moment, and what makes you laugh. and i smile. of course. because if i dont you'll find another thing to call me... as if that would help my trembling self esteem. this world is just so freaking MESSED that theres nothing i can do. everyone has problems. i have problems. you have problems. the mexican government has problems. health is a PROBLEM. hurt is a problem. and yet everyone thinks that no one cares. and they do. OKAY????? so just chill. and stop calling me things. if it were up to my inner selfish self i wish i didnt care about anything, so when i go to bed at night i can just hit the pillow and fall asleep without a care in the world. i wish me and the world could talk. i wish we both had time to stop and listen and try to solve all these damn problems that just keep on coming up. but when it comes down to it--its you. everyone solves their own problems. because no one has time to care anymore. no one can let go of their pride, or their past, or the thoughts of others. i've prayed to God to give me my compassion back, but all it gives me is pain. and a sense of hopelesness. i just want to cut all my ties and wander off into the wilderness except that I am NOT a nature person (even though I should be, apparently), i need people to talk to so i can get stuff like this off my chest, and frankly, to be realistic, i would probably get eaten by a bear. Or raped and murdered. bceuase there are some things people just CAN'T DO. and nothing from this earth can change that.

so what do you want me to do? what in the world do you want me to do?

well this is what i'm doing. if it helps you, good. if it doesn't, i'm sorry. but one of the hardest lessons i've learned in life its that no matter what you do, you can't make everyone happy. i'm giving up distractions. i'm giving up things that keep me away from whats important.

and guess what? i'll probably piss someone off doing it.
but i'm also giving up what i feel.
so i can focus on others feelings.
because maybe that will make me feel better.

because, maybe, just maybe, no one will have anything to say about me.