to kill a mockingbird.

for the sake of experience i will watch my life (once together and somewhat whole) fall.

to push my boundaries for the sake of feeling my world expand, i suppose. the world is

challenging me, but i will shrug it off and wait for

"experience" to knock on my door.

i suppose am playing hard to get with experience.

life is merely many strings woven together, some more memorable than others.

as if through a camera lens, or perhaps a picture frame,

i watch myself fall slowly

beautiful disaster

like my daddy told me

like my mother didn't scold me

and my gut forced me

to take the leap onto hard desire--but not different than

expected. expectations.

and i hear them murmuring downstairs, even though i think im doing pretty well.

asking me to leave, then holding me back with their big hearts and fragility,

while i am the one breaking.

smart or carefree?

living or existing?

i will watch the pieces slowly fall as i scramble to pick them up so i can throw them down.

letting go while my heart holds on

a coming of age novel