our bodies are biodegradable.

why cant this work? six days from now. six damn days and half an hour earlier. let it go. let it all go because plans never complete and someone has a plan for me that has nothing to do with my expectations. so they will fall. every time. we sure are cute, aren't we? not all of us have that. not all of us have expectations put on us that have something to do with loving what i do and succeeding in it all. some of us dont have one to make us a six. in between a whole lot of no one that has concern for a lot of things. and i would carry you. i would spin the wheels so we could end up on the big screen with our hopeful friends but instead we will fall, waiting for nothing as the world spins madly on, and i am its gerbil running and getting no where. treading water while writing flashcards calls for smeared boy's handwriting caught in the dim light that makes you squint your eyes on this thursday morning that i hate hate hate. it was thesis seeking, and you only saw a "hazy, distant dream." all this work, this planning, for nothing? this time, this voice, for a zero written on my hand. you lose, baby, you lose. i put myself out over the big canyon river only to see it all disappear as my curly hair falls flat to my scalp full of nothing but negativity and words. so i will write forever until i figure out what i'm missing. one day it will come, and i need no ponds. just an end to this goal-less life of expectations, expectations, expectations and squeaky notes above the pissagio as you flip your hair and bear your thick head on top of your ignorant shoulders. give me a stage and i will explain if anyone cares to listen to my empty voice that mutters when i'd rather not speak. its tones are empty and i'd rather not ask you unless if i dont mind the stamp of pity on my forehead. for once again, this futon hurts my ass and my work is not enough. i am partial to nothing but an escape from pressure. dont tell me to stop. for i will keep going until these keys are worn out and my skull is in the dumpster. but i will. because you have places to be and i have excuses to make. until then.