together again.

although i was gone for only a few days, the world seems new again. and not because of the things that occupy the world, but because of how i see. the reminder of true compassion, loneliness, and suffering. some of the things i fear the most and love the most all in one weekend, but realizing potential simply because of where i have been placed.

paint chips, the abilities of my body, and the promise of an unexpected future... about all i can ask for.

together is only a word. one that hides brokenness and cries for help. fixes are only temporary distractions. and pain lasts till we die. but family, real family, keeps us from falling apart.

we are always running for the thrill of it.

let this be our prayer

you've still got my love

the words rest on your lips and the breath sends them out

uncapitalized

words find me small, today.

each step taking me a little farther, but eventually closer to home.

the equinox.

hoping for nothing, and loving everything i receive, and everyone i speak to.

my teeth are empty, but when i smile, they fill up like glasses ready to drink.

what will make my life better?

for once, i am not aware enough (or perhaps dissatisfied) to know.

so i will float on this precarious dream, as i look to summers past.

i hope there is no pitfall.

world for the win.

HERE'S THE DEAL. im in a super bad mood. so im going to write it out.

woman at the campus store: "huh! you probably want to leave right now since its a friday and its after closing and im checking out! ha!"

me: (notice no quotation marks) hell yeah i do you dumb bitch. because of you, i cant run since i have to sing at a praise concert as a favor for my friend even though i hate praise music. little do you know, i am really trying to lose weight and every time i cant work out, i dont feel good about myself at all. so now, i will go home, sit on my ass, binge eat, and fume. thanks.

chick: cuts me off.

me: honks at her ass. because she's a dumb bitch who saw me coming. wait your turn.

boy: asks me to hang out.

me: doesn't know if this is such a great idea. likes to see him, but doesnt want to hurt a friend. likes boy as a friend. boy also does not understand the specific 'lets hang out next week' text messages. has to restate herself, which pisses her off since bitch 1 and 2 decided to be stupid.

mom: calls me Eeyore.

me: goes upstairs after wondering why she should have to discern how she felt about her day when she rarely comes home after a day of work fuming. honest to God.

brownie: "im going to make your ass huge."

me: agrees, because i cannot run thanks to bitch #1.

girls at work in response to bitch #1 being in store after closing: "oh lalala! that's totally fine! we are great workers who love health food and our steady boyfriends! rainbow!"

me: get the hell out.

world: "suck my d."

me: "okay."

child of the world.

the irony slowly chokes me

in the dark, i feel it

down

wave upon wave till it rises

in my mouth

prayers erupting:

for smooth skin,

a night never ending,

and a day when the strength of my arms and the outline of my legs no longer matter to a single soul

not even me

until i sink in and accept that i am my surroundings

for this world has made me

why won't it feed its child?

show all history.

this means nothing to you.

like a time bomb she

ticks

waiting for averages and words she will

never

understand

it tore her up once

why not again?

she cant wait till the day when she will

share the weight

of gowns and electricity

blades and the omnipresent unknown

with her very loved

until that day