citrus.

the world turned orange, and the birds

sang kiri-kiri

my left hand wanted to be free of what it was holding

so i ran on to purple

till my stomach became a poisonous lining, and my body

shook till i burst into flame

the color orange took on my

skin

cafe a la no one.

in this shell of unknown faces, i

comfortably sit. aware of my

flaws. those on my face,

those in my

behaviors, and those in my

person.

unimpressed pillars hold up this ceiling

planks and beams hold up the

floor

my memory, it is sore

inner glow is yours to take,

yours to embrace

and these bones of mine?

they support

this frame of a person, waiting

for more

the jewels sink, heavy with expectation.

you dreamt my hair was on fire

why is that everyone's skin i brush become dagger-like particles on a spider's leg?

all i want is for us to be happy, and to be enough

my heart that drops at the thought of you, my voice that soars at the sight

... the sight of the idea of you

sighing, i wait

i dont meant to bother

please lift up my reasons for sinking

capsized, i will wait

as the bolts burst and the sirens scream

till water turns black, and my soul with it

till you wake from this jilted day

my world rests on the balance of togetherness

restrained wails are not enough

i take refuge in a triad's completion, and rhythms unfailing

reaching, my hand grows pale

as the deep overcomes

and i am an artifact

drifting in the ocean

i-v-i.

upon review, red marks settle themselves aside mistakes

my laughter chokes at the thought of saying goodbye, but

who allows the broken to cut themselves with glass?

your dismay irks me

and i chirp like a bird in self defense, when perhaps i should

fly away

i want to fall

fall into your arms

but my pride supports the muscles that hold my spine straight,

as straight as curved bones can be

until then, your presence will play chopsticks on my ribcage and sonatinas on my backbone

because pure hearts are causing me to question everything i know

the lights go out

and i am left alone with the inversions

three times walk.

sometimes i cant help but wonder if you think me

it seems we were in all the right places at the right time

boy you had a touch of destiny in my mind

but i missed your warm looks through the portrait of my glassy eyes

im young but i know the taste of wine

yeah im blind but i see when you dont stop at the stop signs

and im free but im still chained to time

yeah im young but i know the taste of wine

when its cold i cant help but miss your warm hand around mine

when its dark i can't help but wish you were my streetlight

i never noticed your clean hair until now

cause boy i missed your tries until now

im young but i know the taste of wine

yeah im blind but i see when you dont stop at the stop signs

and im free but im still chained to time

yeah im young but i know the taste of wine

despite it all

i get tipsy in the twilight

despite it all

i cant stand when you're not in sight

despite it all

i love your shoulders when they touch mine

im young but i know the taste of wine

yeah im blind but i see when you dont stop at the stop signs

and im free but im still chained to time

yeah im young but i know the taste of wine

im young but i know the taste of wine

yeah im blind but i see when you dont stop at the stop signs

and im free but im still chained to time

yeah im young but i know the taste of wine

let me tell you something about your religion.

let me tell you something about your religion. your holiness sets you apart, you are better than the rest. because god personally chose you to speak to and love, you are allowed to consider my humanistic way of living despicable and below you. because you went to africa, you have been to the promise land, you personally have saved the gentiles. good for you. because you have decided that god has chosen you, you are allowed to look down on those who can't quite bear to sit every sunday in the front pew listening to words. let me tell you something about your religion. you claim love is your life, but you can't bring yourself to the level of those who need to be loved. you scoop your hand down into darkness, but are afraid of the dirt underneath your fingernails. you assume god speaks to you. because you, of all people, deserve it, because you love. your love is a lie. because loving is trust, and i don't trust you with my real, dirty, ugly feelings and thoughts. where i see rain clouds, you see sunshine, because you can't bear to think that there is any darkness except at parties and in africa (god save them). there are problems in life you don't even know, because you are too scared of a life that is real. a life that doubts, and hates. let me tell you something about your religion. it is a falsehood. it is blind. it is self absorbed, and it disgusts me. i may not live the perfect life, but i know how to hate. and this makes me know love. i know doubt. and this makes me know faith. let me tell you something about your religion.

it is a lie.

feels like summer, tastes like fall.

i can hear the leaves turning in on themselves, crunching

gasping

who has found the trigger that turns us in on ourselves?

retrospection becomes retrograde

questioning again

we fell in love when all the leaves were gone

thanks to her, i always know where you are now

but you didn't love music

you didn't love me when i wasn't there

you didn't love anyone but yourself

to this day you make me hurt

but i am ready for a new face, a new feeling

the air is so perfect it feels like nothing against my skin

silence and crackles

whistles

closes in

surrounds me till there is nothing else

and in this silence i love myself and love everything that has happened to me

because it has brought me to today in this silent moment where the world feels like nothing but the timely crackling of leaves