world for the win.

HERE'S THE DEAL. im in a super bad mood. so im going to write it out.

woman at the campus store: "huh! you probably want to leave right now since its a friday and its after closing and im checking out! ha!"

me: (notice no quotation marks) hell yeah i do you dumb bitch. because of you, i cant run since i have to sing at a praise concert as a favor for my friend even though i hate praise music. little do you know, i am really trying to lose weight and every time i cant work out, i dont feel good about myself at all. so now, i will go home, sit on my ass, binge eat, and fume. thanks.

chick: cuts me off.

me: honks at her ass. because she's a dumb bitch who saw me coming. wait your turn.

boy: asks me to hang out.

me: doesn't know if this is such a great idea. likes to see him, but doesnt want to hurt a friend. likes boy as a friend. boy also does not understand the specific 'lets hang out next week' text messages. has to restate herself, which pisses her off since bitch 1 and 2 decided to be stupid.

mom: calls me Eeyore.

me: goes upstairs after wondering why she should have to discern how she felt about her day when she rarely comes home after a day of work fuming. honest to God.

brownie: "im going to make your ass huge."

me: agrees, because i cannot run thanks to bitch #1.

girls at work in response to bitch #1 being in store after closing: "oh lalala! that's totally fine! we are great workers who love health food and our steady boyfriends! rainbow!"

me: get the hell out.

world: "suck my d."

me: "okay."

child of the world.

the irony slowly chokes me

in the dark, i feel it

down

wave upon wave till it rises

in my mouth

prayers erupting:

for smooth skin,

a night never ending,

and a day when the strength of my arms and the outline of my legs no longer matter to a single soul

not even me

until i sink in and accept that i am my surroundings

for this world has made me

why won't it feed its child?

show all history.

this means nothing to you.

like a time bomb she

ticks

waiting for averages and words she will

never

understand

it tore her up once

why not again?

she cant wait till the day when she will

share the weight

of gowns and electricity

blades and the omnipresent unknown

with her very loved

until that day

all the self-help books.

all you need:

1. a big enough breath

2. no expectations

3. people to lead you

4. and a god to love you

she conquers all.

i left nothing, i forgot nothing

just a drawstring effect on a year very much worth living

eventful to say the least

and as i continue to manage small spaces,

i will keep experience micromanaged in bins

catalogued in no certain order for the next year

which will be all-so-different

in ways i cannot explain

freshman year: you are defeated.

one letter.

the aftermath of a life spent without violence

culminates in my lack of interpersonal skills with those

who i deem to be better

so i reap the rewards of a silent mouth and careful posture

learning what it is "beauty" and

"fulfillment"

your note missed my plate

but i think i am okay

because chai will taste like heaven regardless of your fitted clothing

and it will be consumed tonight inevitably

as i venture into the land of hipsterdom

so i segment my life as my body turns bronze

and you will be gone

but i think i am okay

eventually, the simple letter "i" will be enough

smokes, struts, sighs, and sings.

like puzzle pieces, they pair off like salt and pepper

blending together into a single shade of grey

as the shaker breaks

and the glass

cuts

my fingers

i smile because i am happy

but i return singing killing me softly

for mine eyes have seen thy salvation

a light to the Gentiles

i ask only this

why?

trying to believe in salt, pepper, and sand

but they

slip

through my fingers and blend into the earth

like dirt in the universe's eye

eyelids shut

to end the dream

to start the day

to put a face to the blurred people, places and pictures

alligators, bright shirts, no seasons

waking before waking

night before night

morning of my morning

set off my half-a-brain

so that i may finally see what

apparently

i have been missing this whole time