sore joints.

reactions unstirred, yet attentive to the things that i can

touch around me

sensory like a child

how to let yourself love so foolishly

squandering my well-being away with a kiss to a beautiful stranger who haunts my porch

and who's rumble-down engine fills my thoughts every time i see the jet black shine in the late afternoon

pools of oil on my white driveway

luster like a black; streaks of pink and

yellow

for we were not that simple

so the stains remain

and i scrub myself clean

living loud

so i can forget the sound

of your ego revolving around plastic rotation of a flimsy desire

let me be

so i can learn to find that beat within again

sans you

independently lifting cupboards far too heavy and keys too foreign

for my fickle fingers

and wrists askew

mr. clean.

my dirty feet marked the start of something new

cleansing with transparent lavender, i found the things to

make life clean again

i am done checking and waiting

routing number changed

there is a whole world out there

and it smells like lavender.

cemetary junction.

today i agreed to a fate of lying around

so i woke up late

talked about the grey-ness of a future not everybody understands

my need to rebel escape and question

how it is almost easier to be different if no one is telling you to

things will be okay for me

i have heard the predictions

the evidence is in front of me

an old arab proverb says

"pretend your deepest desire is right in front of you, and just grab it"

honestly i don't really understand

but it seems right

and i love change and the imminent future

so today i will talk

but tomorrow i will take hold of something tightly and

just run with it

absorb.

for now i put aside form fitting clothing and eyelashes and the color black

lay on the floor

and absorb what i do not know

i'm strange, and you're strange.

i went flying when i was least expecting it. pausing for connection, remembering for redemption. singing loud, dancing like a fool. i opened up for the first time in a while. set free by nobody watching, and if they were, it was a joke. who needs you? just because of what you would do. that's not a reason to stay. so i'll laugh loud and forget the things you say.

the best day in a long time. thanks.

probably not.

refusal, finding myself in the midst of everybody's assumptions. self-denial, in order to remind myself of the life ahead. hope, that everything will meet my sky high expectations. realization, that sometimes i'm not okay. curious, because you probably don't miss me.

refusal

self-denial

hope

realization

curious

acceptance

deliver

despair

knew

careless

maybe these are not so bad after all.

twisted vine.

a punch straight to the sink hole that has become my heart

void unfilled

losing track of something endlessly far

only 20 days ago

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