for all those sexy mamas...

pretty is a stupid word
it makes my friends
feel terrible
and takes it's turn
with me
p-r
e
t-t
y
sometimes the letters
seem cuter than me
but i suppose
that's just being
a teen

C.

i had that anxious feeling again last night. not being able to fall asleep... because my mind was whirring like some mad scientist's machine and I DON'T KNOW WHY. i just wanted to sleep... maybe this is punishment for not trying, or not being smart enough, or available enough, wrong enough.
and it was so good for awhile. not that everything is terrible now... but i need to shape up. know what i care about.
should i try out for multiple? i don't know. it would hurt so much to be thrown aside again. and one act hurt, but this would be so much worse. i don't know if i'm up for that. but maybe it'll be better.
i don't know.
i love hiding behind i bright sunny shirt and the word senior. but i care.

bubbly.

hello, new year. i celebrated by sitting in my parents living room falling alseep on my mother's shoulder. ten minutes after midnight, i was in bed. haaaaaa.
i had a wonderful time though. belle and i just sat. and we were quiet. if there was anything to be said, we would say it. all the things that we wanted to say, but didn't quite know how. luckily we got each other most of the time.
and now i feel ready for 2010, a year of so many new beginnings. which i am PUMPED for by the way.
all in all, this is a boring post. i've been inside my head a little to much to write something that you all would understand.
but happy new year! you all are dear to me in some way. i love being able to see different sides of you when i read all your posts of angst, confusion, or humor. we've seen some great writing, and we've seen some immaturity. and that's okay. because i am only 17. so i am pretty immature. a little emotionally behind. thanks for bearing with me.
aaaaanywho. lets see what the year brings, eh?

i also, shall talk of mr. darcy.

i think he's the type of guy who is an a-hole until you get to know him. because some people are just like that.
the end!!!

to do:

1. apply for a music scholarship
2. work at bargain books
3. get voice lessons for said scholarship
4. sing at miss rozeboom's wedding

sorry that was kind of for me. haha.

4/5

Mom: "Guess what the best part of going away is?"
Me: "What?"
Mom: "Coming home."
Me: "Ha ha. Word."

Mom wins the eloquence award on this one.

That's not all i have to say about my time away... really. I had some good deep talks with my sister, a few laughs with my brother, and perhaps more of an understanding for my dad and his family.

A frustration with sitting.
And aunts i never see.
And the cousins i don't really have a chance to know.
And a new-found ability of bowling. 5 strikes baby. Cause that's cool...

yeah.

how is it fair that someone has that control? to take your heart and make it jump, or just break it in pieces. we trust. sometimes it works, other times, not. and we watch each other crumble, as we gather the pieces and try to mash them together again. gingerly, we hand our hearts to others... each time, gambling with everything that we are. why do we do that? and how can we be so insensitive with each other's hearts, knowing full well what it is like to be broken.
new years resolution: have some respect for other people's feelings. because we get hurt, and
so
do
they.